Guilt and Desire
I used to feel guilty for eating pizza, burritos, sandwiches, Hawaiian BBQ…
I used to feel guilty for not working out twice a day, for taking Sunday’s off, for going on short trips, for spending time with people that I cared about, for doing nothing…
Guilt has often been an obstacle for me that I have faced throughout my life. When I was younger I wanted to feel desired. I wanted to feel welcomed, acknowledged, important…
I wanted to feel these things because it feels good to be complimented on your attractiveness…it feels good to be invited to the party, to lunch, to hangout…it feels good to be presented with an award for good grades…it feels good to know that someone can go out of their way to call you, text you, or let you know how much you mean to them…
I would feel guilty when I wasn’t acknowledged for the amazing catches I would have in practice. I would feel guilty when I would get good grades but it was never good enough to be student of the year. I would feel guilty when I was the first one in the gym, and last one to leave…but it was never good enough to earn playing time…I would feel guilty when I would turn down a meal because I was worried about my next workout…because I was worried about how I looked…because I was worried about how that would make me feel…
I used to feel guilty for not being at the gym all day…for taking a trip to Lake Tahoe on the weekend for a half day to enjoy a hike and a meal at one of my favorite places to eat…for not working out even though I hadn’t had a rest day all week…for taking time to myself and not devoting it to someone else…
I still have some form of guilt. It’s not the pizza, the burritos, the sandwiches, the Hawaiian BBQ…it’s the decision that’s distracting you from your real desire…
The desire to eat healthier…the desire to feel healthier…the desire to stay committed…the desire to accomplish your goals. We shouldn’t feel guilty for eating these things….they offer happiness, taste, social community, smiles, and reward…we just feel guilty because it’s not what we truly want for ourselves every weekend, every night, every meal…I used to feel guilty for eating these things…I used to feel guilty for not working on my hustle…I’m so happy that I don’t anymore…
Our lives are changing…our perspectives are shifting…our goals are developing…we’re learning. I’m learning. I wish you nothing but the best….I wish you great health, I wish you great success…I wish you eternal happiness…it’s what I desire for myself.